The Power of Story...

I grew up on family stories.  Both sides of my family line have journals and writings that date back close to two hundred years. Who they were, where they lived and traveled and how they survived some of the historical events that I read about in my history books in school, made their stories come to life. I know their professions, educational background, how many children they had and a bit about their daily life. While I appreciate those stories and am fascinated by their experiences - something is missing. Where are their birth stories? They had a ton of kids back then. What about the labor, the birth and the new baby in the family? Why are those days just briefly mentioned or not at all?         

Part of me thinks it because birth was such a normal, everyday thing - it just wasn't a big deal. Women had babies all the time and it wasn't so remarkable. Unless someone died in childbirth or shortly thereafter it didn't cause any family hardship so why mention it? Another part of me says it wasn't recorded because my ancestors had a lot on their plate back then. Not only were they caring for and nursing a new baby but the regular tasks of the day still fell on her shoulders. Who had time to write in a journal when daily survival was number one on the list?

So what is our excuse for not recording the most important event of our life - the "Birth Day" of our baby? We have no game to kill, clean and cook. No crops to gather, soil to till or market to sell our wares. No fire to stoke, no wood to chop. No water to pump and bring inside, then heat and bathe in it. Instead, our housekeeper comes once a week, we order takeout, DVR Survivor and update our FaceBook status. Hard life, no time to document what could be life changing for someone else - mainly our own child.

Recording and reciting our birth stories is more important than we recognize. I speak of this in my classes when talking about bonding and building a child's self esteem. Children need to know that they have always been the apple of your eye. Knowing how you cared for them from the time you knew they were coming makes them feel important. Knowing how you prepared for them, talked to them in the womb, worried about them before you ever knew them- leads them feel special, needed and loved. As you connect to your little one before they arrive, their birth story becomes more about the transformation all of you go through as a family and it begins a solid, life long journey together. 

How do you begin?
Loaded question. If you have recorded things about your pregnancy along the way then you have a head start. If not, you can start now - while you are still pregnant. You can write the first half of your story before the baby even comes. Planning for baby(or not - oops!), conception, first trimester, thoughts, feelings, doctor/midwife visits, books you read, foods you lost interest in, smells that got to you, 2nd trimester, birth partners thoughts about the pregnancy and baby, worries, fears, hopes, expectations, classes, preparation, choices you made regarding baby and their "birth day".

There are endless things you could record and go over. But keep it simple. Facts can be brief but the feelings that come up around all of these things can be very telling, very healing and should be explored once they are acknowledged. I encourage my parents to write about all this stuff BEFORE baby comes. Not only does it give you a great head start for the birth story but it can also shed light on issues that need to be addressed before baby enters your world.

So you go into labor...
This is not the time to keep notes(at least not for YOU to keep notes). Assign someone in your birth team ie. birth partner, doula to keep track of main events and times. In labor, it should be about letting go and being in the experience. Your birth team will be able to record what you feel is important - time you left for the hospital, who your nurse was, when your water released, time baby was born etc. Decide what's important and make a little list.

So baby is home and you are sleep deprived...
Yes and your memory starts to fade quickly. The easiest thing to do is record while breastfeeding. If you have a way to audio record details and feelings about your birth - super simple. Some parents have friends that really want to help after baby comes home - put them to work. Grab the laptop and while you are feeding the baby, they can be typing as you speak. Even if they are just main points to jog your memory for a later time. The sooner you put your story down on paper, the more accurate it will be. I was amazed at how fresh my experience was the first few days and how within a week or two, my friend was reminding me of details I would have completely forgotten. It's natures way of making us want to procreate again after such an intense experience!

Putting it all together...
1. Visualize physical details, sensations, actual thoughts you had, or words people said to you or to each other.
2.  Be as present in the past as you can be with your story.
3.  Tell the truth-regardless of how you might think it sounds.*

Your baby's story is as unique as they are. Things that you record are a part of them - it's their story. Whether it was your idea of the ideal birth or not, don't sweep it under the rug. Talking about it is healing and will help you see the lessons learned or shown to you. If it was over the top amazing - then shout it from the roof tops and let other mothers know what is possible and that they have choices. Recite your baby's story with them at least once a year(it's a great birthday tradition after cake and ice cream). They were there, they participated and they remember - on a cellular, spiritual and real level - they remember their birth.

We are recording our stories for the future. We have the time, technology and the responsibility. It is essential in our day and age to repeat our positive birth stories. We have lost the "casual, everyday normality of birth" and that is why our maternal health care system in America is in such poor shape. Our children's future birth choices will be shaped by our own. Don't we want it to be better than what we have now?
Write and share your story...

*list borrowed from Madeira Books

Daniel

Hi Ashley,

Since the class concluded, Victoriya continued to practice breathing and listen to rainbow, affirmation and relaxation tracks.  At 40 weeks she only had a few minor practice contractions and it was clear we would be over the estimated date. We were counting days thinking that any day could be THE day and had everything ready in the car. The time was going by and we were approaching 42 weeks. At this point we have been going for heartbeat checkups twice a week.
The doctor had advised that once we are over 42 weeks, it is strongly advised that the labor is induced in order to make sure that the baby is not in trouble. Victoriya, however, was resolved on waiting until the body starts labor on its own without the prompts from the outside. As it happened,  the night before the 42 week date her water broke around midnight and we knew that we would see our baby soon. The contractions came half an hour later and were coming in strong and regularly. We’ve started following our plan – practice breathing, relaxing and waiting until the surges get closer. We’ve spent about 9 hours at home until contractions were 5 minutes apart. Every one of them was strong and required quite a bit of resolve on relaxing the body. When we decided it was time to go we got into our car and made way to the Palomar hospital.

Immediately upon arrival, we had to assert our desires for minimal intrusion, check-ups, IV’s and other “standard procedures”. This didn’t sit quite well with some of the staff, but our minds were made up. Within a short period of time we had a different nurse and doctor, both of whom were much more receptive to out wishes. They read through the 3-page birth plan we have devised some weeks earlier, which was also approved by our doctor. They have asked a few questions to confirm some of the points, but had no objections to any of them as long as we understood our own requests and were willing to sign liability releases.

Within a short period after arrival to the hospital, the surges got even closer and more intense. Some more pockets of fluid had release which caused substantial pain and required the use of some techniques learned at the class. Rocking motion, while sitting backwards on a chair and doing “horse lips” alongside with a backbone massage seemed to carry Victoriya through the toughest parts. At this point the labor was not going exactly as we had expected – instead of slow, gradual and gentler birth – the labor was progressing quickly and with intensity. We stuck to the plan of not doing the epidural or taking any other drugs to progress or soften the labor. 14 hours  after the start of contractions in the middle of the night, Daniel Yuri was born without complications, use of Pitocin, epidural or any other drugs. At 9lbs and 55cm he was one big, but beautiful baby boy who immediately was placed into mom’s loving hands.

Victoria was ready to go back home shortly after Daniel was born, but we decided to stay the night in order to get acquainted with the proper swaddling and feeding techniques. 24 hours after been admitted we have left the hospital and went home with a baby sleeping calmly in the car-seat.  Despite the fact that our birth experience was not the same as featured in some of the videos we’ve seen during the class, it was a very positive and powerful experience. We are glad that we went to HypnoBirthing class and learned about the natural birth and natural ways of dealing with the most critical moments. Proving drug and procedure free birth to our baby was a success after all.  We appreciate all of the knowledge, support and reassurance that HypnoBirthing class had provided us. When we have our second child – we will do it in a similar, natural fashion. Knowing about our rights and options had proved invaluable under the pressures of the hospital setting. At the end, with support from HypnoBirthing and Palomar Hospital staff we’ve had the birth we wanted for our boy.

Thank you again,

Sincerely,

Victoria, Daniel and Yuri