The Power of Story...

I grew up on family stories.  Both sides of my family line have journals and writings that date back close to two hundred years. Who they were, where they lived and traveled and how they survived some of the historical events that I read about in my history books in school, made their stories come to life. I know their professions, educational background, how many children they had and a bit about their daily life. While I appreciate those stories and am fascinated by their experiences - something is missing. Where are their birth stories? They had a ton of kids back then. What about the labor, the birth and the new baby in the family? Why are those days just briefly mentioned or not at all?         

Part of me thinks it because birth was such a normal, everyday thing - it just wasn't a big deal. Women had babies all the time and it wasn't so remarkable. Unless someone died in childbirth or shortly thereafter it didn't cause any family hardship so why mention it? Another part of me says it wasn't recorded because my ancestors had a lot on their plate back then. Not only were they caring for and nursing a new baby but the regular tasks of the day still fell on her shoulders. Who had time to write in a journal when daily survival was number one on the list?

So what is our excuse for not recording the most important event of our life - the "Birth Day" of our baby? We have no game to kill, clean and cook. No crops to gather, soil to till or market to sell our wares. No fire to stoke, no wood to chop. No water to pump and bring inside, then heat and bathe in it. Instead, our housekeeper comes once a week, we order takeout, DVR Survivor and update our FaceBook status. Hard life, no time to document what could be life changing for someone else - mainly our own child.

Recording and reciting our birth stories is more important than we recognize. I speak of this in my classes when talking about bonding and building a child's self esteem. Children need to know that they have always been the apple of your eye. Knowing how you cared for them from the time you knew they were coming makes them feel important. Knowing how you prepared for them, talked to them in the womb, worried about them before you ever knew them- leads them feel special, needed and loved. As you connect to your little one before they arrive, their birth story becomes more about the transformation all of you go through as a family and it begins a solid, life long journey together. 

How do you begin?
Loaded question. If you have recorded things about your pregnancy along the way then you have a head start. If not, you can start now - while you are still pregnant. You can write the first half of your story before the baby even comes. Planning for baby(or not - oops!), conception, first trimester, thoughts, feelings, doctor/midwife visits, books you read, foods you lost interest in, smells that got to you, 2nd trimester, birth partners thoughts about the pregnancy and baby, worries, fears, hopes, expectations, classes, preparation, choices you made regarding baby and their "birth day".

There are endless things you could record and go over. But keep it simple. Facts can be brief but the feelings that come up around all of these things can be very telling, very healing and should be explored once they are acknowledged. I encourage my parents to write about all this stuff BEFORE baby comes. Not only does it give you a great head start for the birth story but it can also shed light on issues that need to be addressed before baby enters your world.

So you go into labor...
This is not the time to keep notes(at least not for YOU to keep notes). Assign someone in your birth team ie. birth partner, doula to keep track of main events and times. In labor, it should be about letting go and being in the experience. Your birth team will be able to record what you feel is important - time you left for the hospital, who your nurse was, when your water released, time baby was born etc. Decide what's important and make a little list.

So baby is home and you are sleep deprived...
Yes and your memory starts to fade quickly. The easiest thing to do is record while breastfeeding. If you have a way to audio record details and feelings about your birth - super simple. Some parents have friends that really want to help after baby comes home - put them to work. Grab the laptop and while you are feeding the baby, they can be typing as you speak. Even if they are just main points to jog your memory for a later time. The sooner you put your story down on paper, the more accurate it will be. I was amazed at how fresh my experience was the first few days and how within a week or two, my friend was reminding me of details I would have completely forgotten. It's natures way of making us want to procreate again after such an intense experience!

Putting it all together...
1. Visualize physical details, sensations, actual thoughts you had, or words people said to you or to each other.
2.  Be as present in the past as you can be with your story.
3.  Tell the truth-regardless of how you might think it sounds.*

Your baby's story is as unique as they are. Things that you record are a part of them - it's their story. Whether it was your idea of the ideal birth or not, don't sweep it under the rug. Talking about it is healing and will help you see the lessons learned or shown to you. If it was over the top amazing - then shout it from the roof tops and let other mothers know what is possible and that they have choices. Recite your baby's story with them at least once a year(it's a great birthday tradition after cake and ice cream). They were there, they participated and they remember - on a cellular, spiritual and real level - they remember their birth.

We are recording our stories for the future. We have the time, technology and the responsibility. It is essential in our day and age to repeat our positive birth stories. We have lost the "casual, everyday normality of birth" and that is why our maternal health care system in America is in such poor shape. Our children's future birth choices will be shaped by our own. Don't we want it to be better than what we have now?
Write and share your story...

*list borrowed from Madeira Books